It's been a while since I wrote about the topic of improving relationships, so I wanted to visit this topic today and discuss a few healthy relationship habits that can improve all kinds of relationships - romantic and otherwise.
Healthy relationships are an important part of overall good health. Studies have shown that people with strong social networks and happy, close relationships with others tend to live longer. Married men live longer than single men. And unhappy relations between yourself and others can increase chronic stress, which lowers your immune function and increases blood pressure, among other harmful physical effects. So taking care of your relationships can be just as important as taking care of your own physical and mental health!
Whether you are struggling to communicate well with your spouse, or having trouble getting along with a difficult relative, try incorporating these 7 habits into your life, and see what a difference they can make.
Healthy relationships are an important part of overall good health. Studies have shown that people with strong social networks and happy, close relationships with others tend to live longer. Married men live longer than single men. And unhappy relations between yourself and others can increase chronic stress, which lowers your immune function and increases blood pressure, among other harmful physical effects. So taking care of your relationships can be just as important as taking care of your own physical and mental health!
Whether you are struggling to communicate well with your spouse, or having trouble getting along with a difficult relative, try incorporating these 7 habits into your life, and see what a difference they can make.
1.) Balance Your Relationship Needs
It can be easy to forget about your own needs sometimes (especially for women, in my experience) when you are always caring for someone else. But forgetting about yourself leads to resentments and conflict down the road. Maintaining balance is important for the health of your relationships - romantic or otherwise.
Take the time you need to care for yourself and maintain your own individuality, while still supporting and respecting your relationship partner's needs and accomplishments. If you're married, maintain some of your own hobbies and friends, and make time to do things that YOU want to do on a regular basis - even if it's something as simple as going to your favorite yoga class a couple of times a week, or a night out with girlfriends (or the guys, for men) every month or two.
At the same time, don't let the pressures of kids, work, and trying to have a little "me time" replace your couple time. If are in a romantic relationship, sometimes it's easy to take each other for granted and stop doing the fun things you did together when you first met. Be sure to set aside time for you and your partner to reconnect on a regular basis with "date night" or couple-focused activities where you can focus on each other and your relationship instead of the daily grind.
2.) Deal with Conflicts Up Front - & Then Let Them Go
Unresolved conflicts can build up over time and cause stress and tension in your relationship, often leading to destructive blowups or hurtful actions down the road. It is best to deal with conflicts as they arise, and then let it go, rather than holding onto resentment or grudges. Avoid playing the blame game, accusing, attacking, or making assumptions, or giving each other the silent treatment.
Set a time to discuss your issue, and try to maintain a calm and focused tone, take responsibility for your own thoughts and actions, and agree to move on after discussing even if you aren't in full agreement on every issue. If things get too heated, agree to take a "time out" to cool down if needed, but make sure to resume your discussion once you have cooler heads, so that it isn't left unresolved to rear its head in the future.
3.) Stop Trying to "Fix" or Control Each Other
This can be tough if you're used to controlling everything in your life (in fact, I would say that it was the hardest thing about being married for both myself and my husband for the first year or so), but it is important to realize that as much as you may have in common, you are different individuals, with different thoughts, feelings, and goals. Just because someone is different from you doesn't mean they need "fixing."
The next time you have the urge to control your partner (or someone else that you have a relationship with), stop, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that they have the right to do things differently from you. Accepting each other as you are - including your differences, and yes, even your "flaws" - is key to a long-term healthy relationship.
4.) Be Responsible for Your Own Happiness
In the early stages of a relationship, it's easy to feel like the other person "makes you happy." After all, just being around them often sends you over the moon with joy! But the truth is, you, and only you, are responsible for your own happiness. Take responsibility for your own happiness both within and outside of your relationship, and you'll both be a lot happier!
Cultivate a happy and grateful mindset in your daily life. Maintain relationships with positive and uplifting people. Do things you enjoy on a regular basis - even if you have to do some of them without your partner. Remember, as we just discussed, you are different people, and you don't have to enjoy all the same things all the time.
5.) Practice Good Self-Care
As we discussed in #1 above, even the closest couples can benefit by taking a bit of time to care for themselves individually. Whether self-care for you is meditating, reading, or working in the garden, whether it's eating well or getting enough sleep, don't sacrifice your own health and personal care needs for your partner. Both people in the relationship should make sure to take the time to give themselves the care they need. Only then can you also truly care for each other!
6.) Be Honest (But Kind)
Trusting your partner with your feelings can be difficult - especially if you have had unhealthy relationships previously where you didn't feel safe to share your needs - but it is important if you want to have a truly healthy relationship. Sharing your innermost feelings is one of the best ways to built an intimate connection with someone, and it can greatly strengthen your relationship.
However, being honest doesn't mean you have to hurt the other person's feelings. Use "I" language and avoid blaming when expressing how you feel. Think about the best way to share your feelings in a way that doesn't criticize the other person. This will encourage them to feel safe sharing their own feelings with you in return, building a deeper and stronger bond between you as a result.
Touching each other gently or hugging while sharing can also help to build trust and intimacy, as well as releasing hormones like oxytocin, which helps to lower blood pressure and improve physical well-being.
7.) Agree to Disagree
Remember that you will never agree on everything, regardless of how close you are or how much you have in common - and that's okay! For a healthier relationship, allow your partner to have his or her own opinions which may be different from yours, and respect the fact that you each have your own unique perspectives on life. While our similarities may bring us together in the beginning, it is our differences that allow us to learn and grow - both as individuals and as partners in a relationship - in the long term.
To your health - and the health of your relationships,
Rose.
Sources:
SwansonVitamins.com
PLOSMedicine.org
It can be easy to forget about your own needs sometimes (especially for women, in my experience) when you are always caring for someone else. But forgetting about yourself leads to resentments and conflict down the road. Maintaining balance is important for the health of your relationships - romantic or otherwise.
Take the time you need to care for yourself and maintain your own individuality, while still supporting and respecting your relationship partner's needs and accomplishments. If you're married, maintain some of your own hobbies and friends, and make time to do things that YOU want to do on a regular basis - even if it's something as simple as going to your favorite yoga class a couple of times a week, or a night out with girlfriends (or the guys, for men) every month or two.
At the same time, don't let the pressures of kids, work, and trying to have a little "me time" replace your couple time. If are in a romantic relationship, sometimes it's easy to take each other for granted and stop doing the fun things you did together when you first met. Be sure to set aside time for you and your partner to reconnect on a regular basis with "date night" or couple-focused activities where you can focus on each other and your relationship instead of the daily grind.
2.) Deal with Conflicts Up Front - & Then Let Them Go
Unresolved conflicts can build up over time and cause stress and tension in your relationship, often leading to destructive blowups or hurtful actions down the road. It is best to deal with conflicts as they arise, and then let it go, rather than holding onto resentment or grudges. Avoid playing the blame game, accusing, attacking, or making assumptions, or giving each other the silent treatment.
Set a time to discuss your issue, and try to maintain a calm and focused tone, take responsibility for your own thoughts and actions, and agree to move on after discussing even if you aren't in full agreement on every issue. If things get too heated, agree to take a "time out" to cool down if needed, but make sure to resume your discussion once you have cooler heads, so that it isn't left unresolved to rear its head in the future.
3.) Stop Trying to "Fix" or Control Each Other
This can be tough if you're used to controlling everything in your life (in fact, I would say that it was the hardest thing about being married for both myself and my husband for the first year or so), but it is important to realize that as much as you may have in common, you are different individuals, with different thoughts, feelings, and goals. Just because someone is different from you doesn't mean they need "fixing."
The next time you have the urge to control your partner (or someone else that you have a relationship with), stop, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that they have the right to do things differently from you. Accepting each other as you are - including your differences, and yes, even your "flaws" - is key to a long-term healthy relationship.
4.) Be Responsible for Your Own Happiness
In the early stages of a relationship, it's easy to feel like the other person "makes you happy." After all, just being around them often sends you over the moon with joy! But the truth is, you, and only you, are responsible for your own happiness. Take responsibility for your own happiness both within and outside of your relationship, and you'll both be a lot happier!
Cultivate a happy and grateful mindset in your daily life. Maintain relationships with positive and uplifting people. Do things you enjoy on a regular basis - even if you have to do some of them without your partner. Remember, as we just discussed, you are different people, and you don't have to enjoy all the same things all the time.
5.) Practice Good Self-Care
As we discussed in #1 above, even the closest couples can benefit by taking a bit of time to care for themselves individually. Whether self-care for you is meditating, reading, or working in the garden, whether it's eating well or getting enough sleep, don't sacrifice your own health and personal care needs for your partner. Both people in the relationship should make sure to take the time to give themselves the care they need. Only then can you also truly care for each other!
6.) Be Honest (But Kind)
Trusting your partner with your feelings can be difficult - especially if you have had unhealthy relationships previously where you didn't feel safe to share your needs - but it is important if you want to have a truly healthy relationship. Sharing your innermost feelings is one of the best ways to built an intimate connection with someone, and it can greatly strengthen your relationship.
However, being honest doesn't mean you have to hurt the other person's feelings. Use "I" language and avoid blaming when expressing how you feel. Think about the best way to share your feelings in a way that doesn't criticize the other person. This will encourage them to feel safe sharing their own feelings with you in return, building a deeper and stronger bond between you as a result.
Touching each other gently or hugging while sharing can also help to build trust and intimacy, as well as releasing hormones like oxytocin, which helps to lower blood pressure and improve physical well-being.
7.) Agree to Disagree
Remember that you will never agree on everything, regardless of how close you are or how much you have in common - and that's okay! For a healthier relationship, allow your partner to have his or her own opinions which may be different from yours, and respect the fact that you each have your own unique perspectives on life. While our similarities may bring us together in the beginning, it is our differences that allow us to learn and grow - both as individuals and as partners in a relationship - in the long term.
To your health - and the health of your relationships,
Rose.
Sources:
SwansonVitamins.com
PLOSMedicine.org
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